You have been warned, read at your own risk!

So this guy walks into a Bar... A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "we don't serve mushrooms here."The mushroom says " Why? I'm a fun guy"

A string walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here."The string goes outside, ties himself up, roughs up his head and goes back in the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same string who was just in here??"The string answers "No, I'm afraid not"

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Birds and Oil  Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through - which one gets to the worm first?The one who swam, of course, because "da oily boid gets da woim"

Science Puns!: "So, if I tie my serial communications cable into a knot, will that change the parity of the electrons?""Of course it won't change. Recall that Yang and Lee got the Nobel Prize in '57 for showing that parity is knot-conserved."

Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you alright.""No I lost an electron!""Are you sure""I'm positive !"

"If you're not part of the solution, you must be part of the precipitate."

Knight in Need: Sir Edgbert, knight of the realm, was hurrying home on a cold, dark, wet night when, suddenly, his horse suffered a major coronary and died on the spot. All Sir Edgbert could do was collect up what belongings he could and tramp onwards.After staggering for a spell, he decides that he must get alternative transport. Accordingly, he heads for the nearest building which, as luck would have it, is a small farm. He strides up to the door, bangs on it and shouts 'A horse! A horse!. I must have a horse!". The door opens to reveal a young girl. She looks at Sir Edgbert and says, "Your pardon, good night but my father and brothers are returning from the village on the other side of the forest and will not be back before noon tomorrow. They are riding all our horses".Sir Edgbert is saddened by this and says "But I must return home immediately. Have you any idea where I may acquire alternative transportation?".The young girl says "I know of no other horses hereabouts, but sometimes my brothers ride our Great Dane dog when the need arises. Would use of that help?"Sir Edgbert is desperate and says "If I must, I must. Show me the animal". The young girl leads the way around to the back of the farmhouse to a stable. She disappears inside and returns leading and enormous dogs which is quite of a size for riding. Unfortunately, the dog has seen better days. It's coat is threadbare, it's legs are spindly and it seems to be breathing laboriously.Sir Edgbert looks at the young girl and says, "Surely, you wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this?"

Buddhist and a Hot Dog Q: What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?A: Make me one with everything.

The Biologist Problem Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. Despite all efforts at predator control, population was declining at an alarming rate.Finn finally went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Tom looked into the problem and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce. Tom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that and, most critically, one part sodium. "You mean...?" said Jim."Yes," said Tom. "They need a mono-sodium glue to mate!"

One-Liners  Punsters deserve to be drawn and quoted.

What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?A receding hareline.

Did you hear about the UC Berkeley parapsychology professor that had really bad breath?It was a case of supercalifornianmysticexperthalitosis

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the other one off.

Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.

Show me a famous composer's liquor cabinet and I'll show you Beethoven's Fifth.

Tibetian housewife upon entering her smoke-filled kitchen: "Oh, my baking yak!"

Show me the first president's dentures, and I'll show you the George Washington Bridge.

A man recently invented a knife that cuts four loaves of bread simultaneously. He calls his invention a four-loaf cleaver.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Two peanuts were walking in Central Park, one was assaulted.

As the great Jedi English teacher was quoted in saying, "metaphors be with you."

If I hated my house and fell in love with my office building, would that be an edifice complex?

Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!

Why couldn't the flower talk? It's problem stemmed from not having two lips!

Elderly Female Car Buyer One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?""No son, I want this color.""But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"

A Tycoon and his Pets A few years ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon who had taken it into his head to collect really strange and exotic pets. One day, deciding to add to his collection, he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to the salesman , "Show me the most unusual pet you have in stock!"The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. "These may LOOK like ordinary dolphins," he told the man, "but these were given to us to sell by a genetics research group studying ways to genetically reduce aging in humans. It seems the experiment was a success on these little guys.They can't survive out in the wild anymore, they're too tame, but as long as they don't catch any severe debilitating diseases, they will live more or less forever." The man is impressed, and being the wealthy man that he is, drops the cash to buy the dolphins and have a suitable home for them installed in his backyard.The man became quite attached to his pets and took very good care of them, and they frolicked about in their tank happily for nearly fifteen years, much longer than any of his other pets had ever survived.The man spared no expense for their care, and seriously considered leaving his multi-million dollar estate to them in his will. But one day they began to seem a little droopy and not very energetic. Alarmed, the man rang for the vet, who told him that alas, his precious dolphins had contracted a rare icthyoid disease, and the only antibiotic for them had to be derived from the feathers of the blue Savannah parrot that lived on the jungle fringes of Africa.The man didn't think twice. He called up his travel agent and booked the next day's flight to Africa, and rented a jeep and a guide and pack boy to help him bag some of these parrots. They drove up to the edge of the jungle, stopped the jeep and trudged into the trees on an old native hunting trail, nets in hand. After about six hours of this, they had bagged two of the parrots, and the man decided that would be enough feather to make enough antibiotic for his pets. So he trudges back out toward the jeep - and freezes. A huge, stately lion had decided to take a nap right in the middle of the path between him and the jeep. He looks over his shoulder and realizes that his companions have fled leaving him literally holding the bag, and the grow th is too thick on either side of the trail to make it past without waking the lion. So he backs up about fifty feet, gets a running start, and leaps over the beast and makes a dash for the jeep and drives off for the airport.Just as he is nearing sight of the airport, he hears a siren and sees some flashing lights. He dutifully pulls over, and a policeman steps up to him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're under arrest - "The man interrupts him, "Oh, please, officer, I'll pay any fine at all! I need to get these parrots back so I can make a vaccine for my dolphins so they don't die!""Well, sir," the policeman replies, "I'm afraid that's the root of the problem. I have to arrest you for taking mynahs over the stately lion for immortal porpoises."

The Dog and His Son One day a poppa dog had the job of looking after his young puppy while mommy went off shopping. He had his heart set on going to the dog show that day so asked his young son if he would like to go along. Of course that sounded exciting to the little puppy so he agreed.While there the poppa dog entered himself in the show. Lo and behold, he came away with the blue ribbon for 'best of show'. On the way home he suggested to his son that they stop by the local pub to celebrate with a beer or two. The puppy drank sodas while his father had several beers.When they got home poppa realized that they had left the ribbon on the bar.The puppy said, "You've had enough to drink already, Pop. I'll run back for it."When he climbed up onto the bar stool the bartender asked, "What'll you have young man?"The puppy replied, "I'LL HAVE PAP'S BLUE RIBBON, PLEASE!"

Raccoon Coats Back in the roaring 20's raccoon coats were the rage, especially among the college set in the ivy league schools. Just any raccoon coat wouldn't do. It had to be a full length duster almost reaching the floor to really be in style.John, a young man with a very rich but miserly father who was entering his freshman year at Harvard was surprised to learn when he moved into the dorm that he just couldn't fit in without a raccoon coat. He pleaded with his father that he just had to have a raccoon coat or would never make it at school. After several letters back and forth his father agreed to purchase a beautiful coat on one condition. The condition was that the coat must not be damaged in any way during the next four years. If there was any damage to the coat at all after four years the John would be disinherited and have to go find a job on his own. He would not be allowed to join the father in his very prosperous business. John quickly agreed to the conditions without thinking of the implications.The father bought the best raccoon coat money could buy, then had several members of his staff count the number of hairs on the coat. They found there were exactly 1,524,203 hairs. A second group of staff members recounted and confirmed there were 1,524,203 hairs. The coat was then carefully sealed in a package and sent off to Harvard with a note informing the John of the hair count.When John received the coat he was overjoyed that his ostracism by his fellow students was soon to end. Then he read the enclosed letter. He showed the coat to all his friend but was afraid to wear it under any circumstances for fear of damaging it in some manner. After everyone had seen the coat he resealed it in its box and placed it on the shelf in his closet. He often showed the coat to new friends but could never work up the courage to wear it until his senior year.Harvard was playing Yale for the conference championship in football. He bought 9 tickets to the game- 3 seats behind his, the seats to either side, and the three seats in front. He was going to be damned sure no one spilled drink or mustard on his beloved coat. He didn't enjoy the game at all because of his concern for his coat. Immediately after the game he returned the coat to the closet where i t had been for three years after carefully spending several hours recounting the hairs. All 1,524,203 were intact but after such a tedious job he made a mistake. He didn't reseal the bag in which he had been storing the coat these many years.During the night a campus moth crawled under the door of the closet, fluttered up onto the box and crawled inside. He had a feast but being a small moth one hair was all his tiny stomach could hold. He emerged from the box, fluttered from the closet and flew up onto the light fixture to get warm and have a nap.The next day the hapless student decided to recheck the hair-count. It took him hours but when finished he knew he was in trouble. There were only 1,524,202 hairs. He wailed in despair at the top of his lungs. All his fraternity brothers came running into the room expecting the worst. John recounted the whole story about his fathers conditions and his impending fate. In all the commotion the little moth asleep on the light fixture awakened. He listened to the story in amazement . As the whole story unfolded the moth became terribly sad-Have you ever seen a moth bawl?

The Chair tribe There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring...they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe.One day, they battled a tribe of fairly large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home...but the chanting and joyousness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe.The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Caesar the Bull A Wyoming rancher had a bull named Caesar who was getting old.so he decided to sell him on the auction market. The only problem was that the nearest railroad was miles away and across across a river that hadn't yet been bridged.Since Caesar had grown somewhat crotchety in his old age the rancher organized a crew of three men who he sent off with his ranch foreman to lead Caesar to the railroad line. After two days of travel Caesar and the crew arrived at the river near the market town. The tired crew members suggested to their foreman that they be allowed to relax and fish awhile before catching the ferryboat."What shall we do with Caesar while you fish?, asked the foreman.The men replied, "Oh, he can just graze on this lush grass along the river."After a long period of thought the foreman decreed,"WE CAME TO FERRY CAESAR, NOT TO GRAZE HIM!"

The Two Ships There were two ships...one had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided.At last report, the survivors were marooned!

Pirates ! Many years ago there was a small town that had several bakeries. One of these was run by the aunts of a man named Penn. He and his aunts baked the best pies in the state. Not only that, but they were also the least expensive. Now the other bakers could make equally delicious pies, but Penn always sold more, for no one could beat........the 'pie rates of Penn's aunts'.

Indian Puns Disclaimer: I'm telling you right off the top that these puns are in no way meant to insult anybody, these are puns and not jokes. If you're offended, tell me and I'll see what I can do...The Chief of an Indian tribe was named 'Shortcake'. He was highly regarded by all the members of his tribe and when he died, all the braves took him out to the burial grounds. They were all standing around with shovels getting ready to dig his grave.Just then, his wife came running up shouting, "Wait! Wait! Squaw bury Shortcake!"

A white man wandered into an Indian camp. He was greeted with much warmth and courtesy. In fact, the chief offered him the hand of one of his three daughters in marriage. He took him into a teepee and offered him his choice. There were two gorgeous girls, one sitting on a bearskin and the other on a mountain lion hide. There also was an ugly woman appropriately sitting on a hippopotamus skin. The white man picked her. The chief said, you can have your pick, you know. But the white guy insisted on the ugly one. The chief asked why."Because everyone knows that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides"

Early in this century on a Seminole reservation, an Indian chief thought it was time that his son learned a trade, so he sent him away to a vocational school to become an electrician. Months later the son returned with his diploma."Father, I am grateful for what you've done for me. Let me do something to repay you.""Well, son," the chief replied, "we have yet to put electric lights in our latrine, and sometimes we stumble around in there in the dark."The son was happy to oblige his father, and within a day or so, had installed lights in the latrine. Thus, he was the first to wire a head for a reservation!

There is an Indian tribe near here that has a problem: they can't sleep. It is a small tribe; only 500 members, but every one has insomnia. They are called the Indian-napless 500.

Weevils Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A Jungle Pun A lion was prancing through the jungle one day, roaring at the top of his voice for all to hear: "I am king of the jungle, for my mighty strength and lion-like prowess strikes fear into all other creatures!"An eagle lands on a nearby tree branch and says, "Not so fast, Leo buddy!" the eagle calls. "For it is *I* who is the rightful king of the jungle, as my wings enable me to attack from above, and my beak and talons rip my victims to shreds!"Whereupon a skunk walks calmly out of the trees. Approaching the ferocious feline and fearful flighted one, he meekly says, "You're BOTH wrong! Needing neither fight nor flight, I disable my would-be opponents most skillfully! Wanna sniff?"And the three animals engage in a heated argument over who is the rightful king of the jungle. While they argue, oblivious to their surroundings, a huge grizzly bear walks up and eats them all - hawk, lion, and stinker.

Light Bulb Pun A manufacturer of electric light bulbs was talking to the owner of a theater. "I'd like to supply you with bulbs for your marquee," the manufacturer said, "and it won't cost you a penny. It will enable me to realize a lifelong ambition.""If I accept the free bulbs," the curious theater manager asked, "will you tell me about this ambition of yours?""Certainly," the man said. "It's just that I've always dreamed of seeing my lights up in names!"

Computer Puns! This guy was walking home when he saw that Metro #73 bus had crashed into a pole.Right after he walked past it, the driver's window opened and a mostly-eaten apple sailed out of it. He was wondering what was going on when he noticed a message scrolling across the green dot-matrix display that usually shows the route number and destination: bus error (core dumped)

Q.: What do you get if you cross Lee Iacocca with Dracula?A.: AUTO EXEC . BAT

Cleaning Up A True Story !Dennis and I were standing inside a building of a theme park. We were looking outside; it was an extremely windy day. The area sweeper (the person with the small dustpan and broom you see in parks sweeping up the litter), was a small woman (4'10", 90 po unds) and joked that she would have to put rocks in her shoes when she went outside to work.Dennis looked at her and said, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?"

The Monks and Their Little Shop of Horrors There once was a small town in which lived a group of monks. These monks, having need of money to fund their monastery, decided to open up a flower shop. Well the rest of the townspeople were very pleased at first, since they hadn't had a flower shop be fore. However, some people became concerned when they noticed that whenever children were sent to the flower shop to buy (you guessed it!) flowers, they went missing.A group of citizens went to the shop to see if the monks knew what had happened to them. They entered the store and were immediately impressed and awed by the wide assortment of exotic flora present. However, their admiration turned to horror when one o f the larger plants reached down, grabbed a small boy, and swallowed him whole!The villagers fled the shop screaming, attracting the attention of the other townspeople. As soon as the news was spread, the people decided that the only thing to do was to get rid of the evil monks!A group of 20 men were assembled, and they armed themselves with clubs and staves. At high noon, they attacked the monks' flower shop. However, they were unprepared for the high level of fighting skills of the brown-robed brothers: The men were beaten back in less than fifteen minutes!So the townspeople assembled a second group, this time arming them with knives and scythes. At midnight, they attacked. But once again, the merciless monks beat them back, this time in less than ten minutes!The townspeople were at a loss. Who would save them from the corrupt Cappucins? Suddenly, out of the darkness, stepped Hugh the blacksmith,the tallest, strongest, and most foul-smelling man in the village."Do not worry, my friends", said Hugh. "*I* will rid this town of these evil evangelists!"The townspeople, having no other alternative (and nothing to lose except a relatively poor blacksmith), armed Hugh with clubs, staves, knives and scythes, and sent him off to vanquish the foul friars. They waited impatiently at the edge of the town, hopi ng against hope that Hugh would return victorious.Suddenly, over the crest of the hill, silhouetted against the afternoon sun, appeared Hugh. Over his shoulder was slung the remains of the hideous man-eating plant."The monks have fled! Their flowers will trouble us no more!", cried Hugh. The townspeople cried out with joy, and, proclaiming the day a holiday, feasted and danced until dawn.From that day on, a moral was passed on to all the children of the town. Whenever they were tempted to make fun of Hugh and his slow, smelly ways, they were reminded:"ONLY HUGH CAN PREVENT FLORIST FRIARS"

A Visit to the Zoo One day a Czechoslovakian came to visit his friend in New York. When ask what he wanted to see the Czechoslovakian replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America." To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the zoo. While they were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and ask the zoo keeper what he planed to do. The zoo keeper got an axe and ask the man, "ok, which gorilla did it, was it the male or the female." Pointing out the female as the culprit, the zoo keeper quickly split the female gorilla open and found nothing of the Czech. With which the man from New York shrugged and said, "Guess the Czech in the male."

Running in the Muck There was once a wise man who loved a beautiful maiden, but she lived in a marsh where his car always got stuck and, besides, her father had a gun, so he never did get close enough to tell her of his passion. However, she had a more energetic suitor who purchased amphibious tires for his car and, when her father was asleep, speedily carried her off.Moral: Treads rush in where wise men fear to fool.

Warm Eskimos? Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Chess Games There were these members of a chess club all playing chess in an open entryway to their chess club building. two or three of them started bragging about how great they were at the game, when suddenly this other member got up, and threw them all out of the club. When asked why he did that he replied..."If there's one thing I cannot stand is CHESS NUTS BOASTING IN AN OPEN FOYER!!!"

The Bus Driver Have you heard about the man who got the job driving the bus for Sesame Street? He was really looking forward to meeting all the Sesame St. characters, and so he was filled with great anticipation his first day on the job. As he stood outside the bus waiting for his riders to begin to arrive, the first person he saw approaching the bus was an *extremely* large woman. Before she boarded the bus, he asked her her name. Huffing and puffing from the exertion of walking, she replied, "My name is Patty.""Well, Patty, climb on board. We'll be leaving shortly." The next passenger, a man just as big as the woman, was wearing a large green suit. When asked his name by the new driver, he replied with a noticeable accent, "My name is Patrick...I'm Irish, you know. My friends all call me 'Patty'.""Patty, meet Patty. You two can get to know each other while I await several more passengers that I see coming."As the new driver stood there, he found himself thinking, "Where are Bert and Ernie???" The next passenger was a little retarded boy. "Hi, little boy. What's your name?""My name is Ross, and my parents tell me I'm special.""Ross, I'm really glad to have a nice boy like you ride on my bus today. Climb on, and we'll leave in just a minute." The last person to approach the bus was a really strange looking man. "Hello, sir. What's your name?"In a surly manner he answered, "My name is Lester Creep!" For lack of anything better to say, he told him, "Lester, we're about to leave so please have a seat."Now the driver was really thinking, "I thought I was going to meet Big Bird and Cookie Monster!!!" As he was pulling away from the curb, he looked in his rear view mirror. Much to his horror, he saw Lester sitting there with his shoe off, picking at a bunion or something on his big toe. "Oh, gross!" he thought. "This is nothing like I thought it would be! No Bert, no Ernie! Just a bunch of weirdoes!!!"He mulled it all over for a while, then suddenly he began to smile. He thought to himself, "Who would ever believe that, the first day on my new job I have two obese Patties, special Ross, and Lester Creep picking' bunions on a Sesame Street Bus?!?!"

Noah's Ark The water went away and Noah threw open the doors and told the animals to go forth and multiply. As the animals left two snakes stopped by Noah and said, "We can't do that.""Do what?" Said Noah. "Multiply." said the snakes. "Why not?" Asked Noah. "Because we're Adders." Said the snakes. Noah called two of his sons over and told them to go cut down some trees and drag them over. The boy quickly felled the trees and brought them over to Noah. "Cut them up and build some tables," Noah told the boys. They went to work a quickly made the tables. Noah turned to the snakes and said, "Now you can do it, for even adders can multiply with log tables."

Froggy in a Bank A frog enters a bank, looking for a loan. He approaches the loan officer, Patty Black, and makes his request known. Taken somewhat aback, she tells him they bank doesn't typically make loans to frogs."But please," exclaims the frog, "I really need this loan.""Do you have any collateral?" asks Ms. Black."Only this," he says. With that, the frog pulls from his pocket an object and hands it to Ms. Black. Not knowing what it was, but being too embarrassed to say so, she takes the object to the bank manager and explains about the frog and his request for a loan."Sir, I don't even know what this is but it's all he has for collateral," she tells him.The manager takes the objects, looks at it for a moment, hands it back and tells her, "Why, it's a nick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

Smoking' Birds The coast guard recently stopped a boat off the California coast that was loaded with marijuana. There was so much of the stuff that they were in a quandary as to how to dispose of it. Finally they located a company on the nearby shore that had a huge kiln with a tall chimney rising high into the sky and they made a deal with the owners to burn the hemp. For a time all went well, but suddenly a flock of birds flew right through the smoke pouring out of the top of the stack. As it turned out, these were terns that were native to the area and were endangered. So naturally, the environmentalists had to follow them to see what had happened. And of course, they discovered that NO TERN WAS LEFT UNSTONED.

Crime Moves to Rural America Arthur Winchester lives in a small town where everyone calls each other by his or her first name. In fact, everywhere he goes, Arthur is greeted by calls of "Hey there, Arty." "How's it going, Arty?" or "How are the Kids doing, Arty?"One fine afternoon, Arthur decided to go shopping. So he went to Pop's Grocery store and got everything he needed. Then he went to the counter to Check out and chatted with Pop for a while. Finally Pop rung up Arthur's bill and Arty paid gladly. But when Pop was handing Arthur back a dollar bill as change he dropped it and it fell to the floor. Pop's son, who happened to be there as well, picked it up, but before he could hand it to Arty, Arty suddenly got outrageously mad and grabbed Pop's son by the throat and squeezed and squeezed until Pop's son dropped the dollar. Then Pop's wife picked up the dollar bill. Again, Arty got very angry and grabbed her by the neck, throttling her and shouting, "Give me my dollar! Give it to me now!" Finally, she dropped the dollar. Then Pop picked up the dollar. Arthur then grabbed him by the neck and strangled and strangles, shouting for his dollar bill until Pop too let go of the dollar and Arty was able to get it and go on his way. The whole town was buzzing for months about the headline in the next day's paper:ARTY-CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT LOCAL GROCERY STORE.